I had the opportunity to join other men in my Christian community at a breakfast this weekend. We converse, worship, and share in Scripture. The topic was forgiveness and in reflecting during the conversations, the parable of the unforgiving servant came to mind. In a Goincidence, this was also the Scripture for Sunday mass. “Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold was brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt. At this the servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go. But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins. He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded. His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.’ But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. 31 When the other servants saw what had happened, they were outraged and went and told their master everything that had happened. Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.” (Matthew 18:23-34)
This parable is coming on the heels of St. Peter asking Jesus how often he should forgive his neighbor, which Jesus answered, in short, infinite times. Often, I have been like that unforgiving servant. God has forgiven me the moment Jesus died on the cross for me. The moment I was born. God continues to forgive me, no matter how many times I fail. His mercy is unrelenting. Yet, I cannot forgive a slight against me even once. There are many reasons we don’t forgive but some common ones are “They don’t deserve it.”, “I’m hurt and I can’t forgive such a thing.” or “If I forgive, that means I’m accepting their behavior.” While forgiveness can be complicated, it is essentially following in God’s footsteps in finding the balance of justice in setting boundaries and looking beyond the wrongdoing to see the person behind the shortcoming as a child of God that is a sinner just like you. Further, and I am most guilty of this, you are not the judge. You forgive and let God take care of the rest. From Deuteronomy, “Vengeance is Mine, and recompense; Their foot shall slip in due time; For the day of their calamity is at hand, And the things to come hasten upon them.” (32:35) When we try to take matters into our own hands, we place ourselves above God in believing we are in charge of evening the score.
Last, when we fail to forgive, we keep ourselves locked in a prison. A dark cell of bitterness, anger, self-pity, and victimization. While initially, being hurt is justifiable, especially in serious offenses, staying there is the problem. It feels good to hold onto a grudge because we justify the ego and make it about us. Yet, the offender may have moved on, so it isn’t hurting them, it’s hurting you. Staying there is locking the prison door and throwing away the key. We would rather feel satisfied in our pride and victimhood than letting go and accepting peace. I’m not saying this is easy, especially with grave offenses as I said. In fact, I think this is one of the hardest things to do as a Christian. It is our calling, however, as Jesus forgave them as they were literally killing him despite his innocence. As a judgmental, self-centered, ego feeding sinner, I struggle with this often. It is hard for me to let go. It is even harder for me to find that balance of accepting the other as worthy of love and mercy and putting my foot down when they have repeated the insult. I want to be in control and hold onto the hurt. It is one of my biggest crosses. Yet God’s grace is enough for me. I pray that it is for you as well.
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