We had come home a few days ago after finishing up my last contract for work. There were some things to do with the house that have been in the works since we bought the house; new gutters, getting a couch, painting the office walls. So I was planning on getting to those things once we got settled and balancing that work with getting my business going. Unfortunately, there were some unexpected things we came home to. There was a small patch of mold in the basement, there was evidence of water than had leaked through the basement floor, there was a large hornets nest in one of the eves and several other smaller ones around the house, and the grass was overgrown with a thick viny weed. I worried about the yard (our lawnmower already needed to be fixed and how was I going to cut all this back?). I questioned the bees and how they had got there, should I take them down, and were they inside the attic space. We had water issues before in the basement, which led to our sump pump needing to be replaced, which we did. I had a suspicion the basement floor wasn’t installed right so if there was moisture in the concrete, it seeped up through the seams in the flooring. Basically, in my mind, things were falling apart.
This was in addition to starting a new business and being unemployed. Some of us have experienced this stress and anxiety. How will you pay your mortgage? How will you handle the dwindling of your bank account? What happens when something unexpected happens and I can’t pay for it? How will I cover a medical expense or food or gas? These thoughts had already been in the back of my mind but I had been using prayer and faith to combat them. I told myself, “where God guides, God provides” and I believe that God is having me start my own business to serve others and that He will provide. That doesn’t mean I am not scared with all the changes, uncertainty, and financial responsibilities. But my wife has reminded me of what I told myself before and I also have to remind myself of the thoughts I have had before. “When has God let me down? Name one time He has not provided for me, saved me, or took care of things. When has God not been there for me?”
So as I am cleaning up the yard, droning out the outside world with the sound of the weedwhacker, I reflected on my attitude in this situation. I am worried, afraid, bitter and angry. I want to just come home and not find issues that weren’t there before. Is that too much to ask? Then I thought of how to change my perspective. Sure, I was justified in my thinking, but it wasn’t helping to stay in self pity. I became thankful I was healthy and strong enough to tend to the yard myself. I had a partner that supported me and could share the burden. I had a house with four walls and a roof, something that could protect me from the wildfire smoke. Was I struggling to pay the next mortgage? No. Could I afford the groceries I just bought yesterday. Yes. I was replacing my negative thoughts with gratitude. By God’s grace, I was shifting my mindset.
In church yesterday, we sung a song that was based on Psalm 62. David is stating his conviction in trusting God over his circumstances. “Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him. Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.” (Psalm 62: 5-8) I am working on trusting God and not my circumstances. They will change, good or bad. But God is unchanging. He is always for you and with you.
Leave a Reply