I will be publishing a few posts early since I will be out of town for the next month and want to make sure I get content out.
Recently, I got into a bit of a challenging situation. I was at odds with someone and was finding it difficult to deal with the negativity. As it turns out, I didn’t have all the information but I wasn’t wrong in my approach. I wanted to ignore future communication over the short term, mostly to make a point that the negative behavior wouldn’t be tolerated. Yet, I was still bothered by the situation and wondering what to do.
This person can be difficult to interact with, being selfish, playing the victim, and stubborn, complicated by poor emotional regulation. In a nutshell, hard to confront with and resolve problems when they are involved. In past instances of a similar nature, the result is arguments, as they try to “win” and can’t see their role in the problem. I also have been working on standing my ground, as guilt is a common card that is played and has worked from time to time. However, I am resolving that I can only control my own thoughts, words and actions.
So, back to the subject at hand. On a run, I prayed about it and heard words that I read and included in my wedding vows. I have heard many expressions related to love and definitions of it, as it no doubt is a difficult word to define. I liked this one, “Love is giving a person what they need most, when they least deserve it, at the greatest personal cost.” So I had a decision to make. Protect my own ego, say nothing and seem callous, ignoring the behavior I was trying to deter and ultimately, get what I wanted. Or take an opportunity for growth and love. Doing what I said I would strive to do (this person is not my spouse but to me, the vow extends beyond the marriage and can be used to just be good to others).
I decided to do a few things to try to mentally “meet in the middle”. I validated the other person’s perspective, gave encouragement, and bid them farewell. I kept the response short and to the point without trying to defend myself, reiterate my stance, or apologize. That last one was important to me because in the past, this has been given and I knew this was the expectation; someone was right and someone was wrong and so an apology was necessary. I decided you should only apologize if you do something wrong, and knowing I did nothing wrong, I didn’t see it valid to apologize. Of course, I kept this all to myself but I felt I navigated the situation as well as I could have and got a step closer to loving myself and loving the other.
Is there someone that needs your love? What can the relationship gain by your love?
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